Hooray!

Hooray! I made it to my first major goal- 32 weeks and the baby shower, which happened to coincide with each other. The twins are very likely to be ok now (barring other complications) even though they would still be looking at a long NICU stay. My next goals are to make it to February (two days!), and then to 34 weeks. And then I think I am really in the clear- again, barring other complications. I have also been heartened by hearing stories from three people over the past week of their small babies that were lower on the growth curve than baby girl, and who are fine. The main difference is they weren't harassed about it every week. I know my situation is different because the twins and the discordance make it higher risk, but I still feel more hopeful than I have since any point before the awful appointment that referred me to the specialist at 25 weeks. I only ever got about 5 weeks of feeling positively that this pregnancy was going to be healthy and viable- between the 20 week anatomy scans and the 25 week referral. So it's nice to feel less awful now. Although I was advised to start bringing my hospital bag to my weekly appointments- yikes.


We have another meeting with our doula this week. I don't know why, but she wants to meet. She is just so cheerful and positive and I find it super annoying. Plus last time she made me cry with her suggestion that I start taking my hospital bag to appointments- this sounds different at 26 weeks than 33 weeks.


We had three baby showers last week, and they were all great! Although my house is overflowing with stuff now, and I don't know what to do with most of it. How do stupid people have children? I find it very mentally taxing to open everything, read the instructions, and figure out the best use for it. I opened the breast pump, looked at its many parts, and immediately packed it back up. To be fair, I also have not taken any classes that may have explained some of these things to me. When I was scared of delivering very early, I wasn't sure which hospital I would deliver at (I'm still not) and decided I didn't want to do the tour and class at either of them. Listening to people talk about their fears of being induced at 39 weeks and whether or not they should have an epidural would have made me crazy. My doula recommended a high risk class specifically for parents of multiples, but hearing about potential birth complications for twins just seemed like it would stress me out more. Do I want to tour a NICU? Nope! So, here we are at 32 weeks- I don't know what hospital I will deliver at, I don't know how to change a diaper, prepare a bottle, or use a breast pump. I still fail to understand what a boppy is, or if I need bouncy chairs. Alas.


I have found it best not to voice any baby-related anxieties to people over 50. They are cranks! "We didn't have any of this stuff in my day! Babies slept on their stomachs and were strapped to the roof of the car! We all survived!" Gah. The person in question clearly survived, yes, but lots of other people didn't. The rates for SIDS and traffic fatalities have declined considerably since the 1980s. Why are people so flippant about death?


Assuming I am still pregnant this weekend, my next big task is to start screening and interviewing au pairs. I'm not looking forward to this. It's a very weird thing to hire someone to take care of people you have never met!