Weeks 1-16, a Timeline

Weeks 2-4: It's possible I could be pregnant, so I shouldn't drink too much over July 4 weekend. Proceed to drink a lot every single night of July 4 weekend.

Week 4: I'm in terrible pain and I think I am dying or have abdominal cancer. I go to the doctor, who tells me I am pregnant, but that these are not normal symptoms.

Week 4-6: Terrible pains continue to wake me up at night and cause me to double over. Expect and wait to miscarry or be told I am having a ectopic (tubal) pregnancy.

Week 6: First sonogram. I'm expecting bad news, so am not too surprised when the doctor says, "that's weird." I look over and see two blobs on the screen. "There are two of them," I announce. I look over to Jason who is being led out by a nurse because he is about to faint. We're told that one is smaller than the other, there is only one heartbeat, and it's likely that one will be "disappear." This is not great news for the other one either.

Week 6-8: I have no pregnancy symptoms. I read a lot about how lack of morning sickness is a bad sign. Wait to miscarry.

Week 8: Second sonogram. There are still two. They are both growing and both have heartbeats. Everything looks great.

Weeks 8-10: Cry a lot. Especially during the day when I am trying to work and at night when I am trying to sleep. The sweet image I have in my head of snuggling and bonding with one little baby has been shattered and I'm not able to replace it with an image of me with two babies. (I'm still working on this.) Week 9 I start spotting. I have renewed fears about miscarrying. I have a third emergency sonogram which shows everything is fine. I decide that my anxiety is bad for the twins and stop thinking about...everything.

Weeks 10-12: I am largely numb/neutral, although I note going into the 12 week sonogram that this is the first time I'm not expecting everything to be wrong, and will be very upset if it is. I try to read information about carrying a healthy twin pregnancy to term, but all of the potential complications and statistics terrify me and I start to cry again. I do start to feel nauseous and have very strong food aversions and preferences. I am also tired all the time. These seem like good signs, albeit late in the game.

Week 12: Fourth sonogram. Everything is fine. I have very low probabilities of chromosomal abnormalities and we decide not to do any further testing.

Weeks 12-14: I start sharing the news. This is sometimes fun but often exhausting. Women who have had babies feel compelled to share their birth stories with me, especially if they are traumatic. I really don't enjoy this. I start showing all of a sudden during week 14 and start taking weekly selfies of my stomach. Worry that I am going to gain 50 pounds in a matter of weeks. I'm supposed to start feeling better at this point, but I can't even brush my teeth in the morning without getting sick.

Weeks 14-16: I feel better but my stomach does not look any bigger in my 16 week selfie than my 14 week selfie. Worry that twins are not growing and that something has gone wrong. Comfort myself with the knowledge that if anything does go wrong over the next month or so, there is absolutely nothing I can do. Once I can feel them moving, and they reach the point of potential viability, my decisions and medical interventions will matter. That will be more stressful.

Week 16: Sixth OB appointment. Everything seems fine, but no sono, and the Doppler is not sophisticated enough to detect two heartbeats simultaneously. I don't really see the purpose of this appointment, but I am noticeably bigger than at the beginning of the week, so I feel better than they are at least still growing. That night, I lean too close to the open flame on the stove while cooking and don't notice for a long time that my stomach is very hot. Worry that I have cooked the twins. Thankfully have a sono scheduled for week 18.